


Uncertain-Sea

by lindsey_grissom



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 08:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindsey_grissom/pseuds/lindsey_grissom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Tomorrow, Mulder will bring you an interesting postcard or a new key-ring to apologise for ditching you and almost dying. Again.</i>
</p><p>Post-Episode; Triangle (6x03).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uncertain-Sea

_"I love you."  
"Oh, brother."_  
Mulder  & Scully | Season 6, Episode 3

The moment the door clicks closed you let go of the last of your control. Sliding down the wall you don't care what the doctors and nurses think; besides, you've seen this yourself, they'll understand.

The floor is oddly warm, but then you've spent half the day in the biting winds of the ocean so you're probably not the best judge.

You need a moment or twelve to think. Your emotions have been all over the place since you learnt just why Mulder wasn't around today, _yesterday_. One of these days, his ditching you is going to bring on a heart attack. Especially now, when you can't afford to show how much his disappearing affects you.

Although, you must have looked a little frantic running around the building searching for those co-ordinates. That's probably an understatement; you'll worry about it later.

Closing your eyes in a long blink you take a deep breath and let it out with the memories of the last twenty-four hours. Mulder missing, presumed dead, finding the empty ship and then finally finding Mulder floating in the water like so much flotsam.

Your breath stutters a little; there was a moment, small and devastating when you doubted he would make it. But he has, and there's a part of you that after everything will likely always expect him to make it through. 

With what you have both seen, you'll probably never truly believe Mulder dead, even if you see him buried. 

You clasp a hand around the cross at your neck. If you're honest with yourself, you know the thought of letting him go is as impossible to stomach as his story tonight was.

You figure you should be flattered that this time Mulder at least included you in his little fantasy if not in his original plan. But you're not. 

You sigh and draw your knees up, resting your forearms on them. Truthfully, you're jealous more than anything, jealous of this other you that got Mulder to open up like that. Which frankly is just irrational and ridiculous, neither of which are ways you like to think of yourself acting. Knowing that you're doing it anyway just pisses you off even more and probably accounts for the way you just blew Mulder off after his semi-confession.

The problem is, this is Mulder and even after being knocked unconscious by the remains of his own boat, his words were probably still some of the most honest he's ever said to you. Too bad that you know he was really saying them to the dream, Titanic-induced version of you he thinks he was just with, because you'd really like to just accept them at face value.

With a groan you push yourself up off the floor, running a hand through your hair. Oh God, did you really kiss AD Skinner yesterday? 

What a tart, you think with a very Mulder-like smirk. Not bad for a day's work; one confession of love and one kiss…why, just once, can't you do these things the conventional _normal_ way?

You've given up hope for the picket fence and the dog and there isn't a chance that you could walk away now. Besides, that's about as far away from what you want as you can get. Still a little of the romance you see in films wouldn't go amiss every now and again.

But you're locked into this relationship with Mulder for good or bad, and in this parody of a marriage apparently you're just going to have to get used to hearing _I love you_ from him only when he's been beaten over the head with wet wood.

Well, it's something to think about for the future, it isn't like you haven't done it before, and this would be much less damaging than shooting him.

You shake your head and laugh at yourself. You're too tired for this and it's starting to show.

The worst of it, the thing that's going to keep you awake when you finally make it back to your bed, is that now you've heard the words once, there's a kind of hope lodged inside you that thinks it might happen again.

You've never been one to need declarations but the way your heart did that little jump when he spoke tells you that like everything else with him, it's different this time.

You slip back inside his hospital room and pull the chair up to the bed. Mulder's already asleep, his body curled up on his side, his face pressed up against the bars on the side you're sitting.

Clasping his hand in yours you close your eyes and lean back, your head tipping against the back of the chair.

Tomorrow, Mulder will bring you an interesting postcard or a new key-ring to apologise for ditching you and almost dying, again. You'll pick up a boring ordinary case to fill up more of the time before you get the X files back and this will be just another one of those things that happen during your cases that you never talk about.

And one day, you're going to have to take a serious look at what this thing with Mulder is. You're going to have to ask yourself if these odd little moments between the fear and panic are going to be enough and then you're going to have to make a decision and stick with it.

But for now you listen to Mulder's light snoring and the humming of the machinery in the room and slowly breathe in and out. 

 

**End**


End file.
